The Perils of Policlinico
To update everyone on the medical hamster wheel I have been running on I just woke up from a much needed 10 hours sleep recovering from my most recent trials and tribulations at Umberto Uno - Rome's largest hospital complex..
To give you an idea of the daunting task and maybe why I am so overwhelmed by this whole being sick/maybe having cancer in Italy thing, I have included a map of the buildings as I am not sure if anyone, even Romans, unless they are sick or work in the medical industry, realize just how fucking big this place really is or that they have separate palazzi for each medical area, ophthalmology gynecology, cardiology etc etc.
My day was supposed to begin by meeting Angelo at the subway stop and then proceeding to the OB/GYN hospital (building 35). Angelo is one of my best friends and it seems that one of his suitors in the head OB/GYN night nurse supervisor and he is going to try and get me fast tracked through some of these tests. Arriving at the metro on schedule, Angelo calls to tell me he is blocked with his car in traffic and to go on in to the campus by myself and see if I can find my way....he will be there as soon as he can, as he is ditching his car as it is totally useless and taking the underground too. He doesn't want me to wait on him as the doctor his friend has scheduled me to see, Dr. Pecorini (don't know if I should trust a doctor named little sheep) has agreed to squeeze me in before for his medical school teaching rounds and his full surgery rotation as he is going on holiday starting today. That said, he wanted me to be there no later than 8:30 and we want to be on time as Angelo has arranged this through his friends. Looking at my watch, I see I have 40 minutes so I think surely....
I then proceed to wander around the complex for 20 minutes because as nice as the attached little map is, it isn't permanently embossed inside my head and there are only about 4 of these posted in the entire medical campus and no staff at any of the four information booths I passed. I begin asking people standing outside buildings with IV bottles and cigarettes dangling from their arms and they keep telling me " piu in fondo" and waving me forward.
I arrive to the OB/GYN building at 8:10 and see that the main entrance hall that says something to the effect of babies and delivery, and information about student residents and where they are supposed to report. The one sign I find about doctors offices says outpatient ambulatory around back. So I exit the building, follow the signs and sure enough, oh happy day, see a sign pointing towards the basement that says OB/GYN Outpatient. At this point i "Vai piu in fondo", taking the steps indicated, and find myself in a scruffy little used alley complete with 10 year old plastic coke bottles and a door leading to the hydro plant. Apparently this disintegrating portion of the hospital WAS outpatient ,......50 years ago. It now serves as a garden shed.
Retracing my steps, I have 10 minutes here, and am starting to get antsy. I go in the main entrance, ask 11 people where is the offices of Dottore Picorini and am told "vai su" to the 1st floor Room 4, I go there and am told "via sopra e in fondo" to Piano Terra, Room 3, I retrace my steps there and am told by a nurse drinking coffee (I am fasting...) he is not here today. Frustrated more by the smell of coffee beans, than by my first round of circle jerks, I call Angelo who has just popped out of the metro and is running the 6 blocks to get to the hospital and he insists that Dottore Picorini is expecting me, not for regular appointments and that I should tell the coffee drinking nurse this as perhaps he is in another location of the hospital.
Going back, she tells me " guarda piu in fondo" but doesn't exactly tell me where in the fondo he is or what in the fondo he looks like. I proceed up the hallway to where she is vaguely waving me, and stumble across what I think is the ultrasound and X ray area (yeah your reading correctly NOTHING IS MARKED!!!!!!!!!!) and see everyone and his brother waiting but am at a loss as to what to do next.
About this point it is 8:25 and Angelo arrives, and we both walk back to the not so helpful nurse to see if I am actually waiting in the correct area and what the doctor looks like. She tells him we should go to another area (not where she told me) and ask at the obstetric wing. Racing up another set of stairs we arrive, door closed and locked and after buzzing and pounding we are told he left 5 minutes earlier for emergency surgery, but we can go.....guess where......"piu in fondo" and perhaps catch him when he comes out.
So we sit for the next hour, doctors and expectant fathers waiting and see no one. At 9:15 Angelo needs to leave for work, and thinks that it is hopeless for me to wait for a doctor I do not recognize who already said he could only see me before his rounds began. He suggests we run to his office on the far side of this complex a (He works for the university La Sapienza) and he will call his friend Sergio, who made the appointment and perhaps I can come back late this evening.
20 minutes later we are in the center of an equally large labyrinth of university buildings, where Angelo speaks to Sergio who wants to know why we left, the doctor can still see me. Afraid I wont be able to manage on my own, as I am already looking quite tired, Angelo leaves his office and returns with me to the same place we were before and we sit panting like tired dogs having crossed the equivalent of 5 football fields, where we wait until 10:30 while Sergio calls the head nurse, who talks to the doctor, who talks to the nurse, who talks to Angelo, who talks to me, who says hopefully not much longer. An hour later, the doctor arrives and Angelo has to leave (he is already waaaaaay late for work and he hands me off thinking we are at the end of my misadventures).
I go in and speak with the doctor who wants to do another specialized ultrasound, wants repeat blood work because my color looks bad (probably for running) and he is concerned about platelets and WBC and a few more really scary things. They take me to an ultrasound room where he and the tech stand there (no pretty curtains , no paper gowns, no female nurses guarding you with modest concern) and tell me get up on the table they are going to "Fare una visita" ! eheheheheheh... I'm not really sure if he is going to be having tea and crumpets with me or do a pelvic exam, so totally red faced and still trying to understand words like stirrups, speculum, and KY Jelly in Italian, I drop my knickers in front of god and everyone and pray i don't die of embarrassment or bleed on anybody.
Test shows same results as previous, enlarged masses on my ovaries and perhaps, though he isn't certain a myoma....so guess what, they want a second endoscope! They also want to do an EKG and full cardio and of all sorts of crazy hairball things including a pregnancy test! I have been bleeding off and on since April, have had no sexual partners (aforementioned putting a damper on that) and have already fielded 2 ultrasounds and an endoscope last week. Who do they think I am the fucking Virgin Mary?
Anyways, I pull my clothes back on, and the doctor hurriedly writes three new prescriptions for blood work, Cardio and Endo and then rushes off as his day is a disaster after the emergency in the morning and squeezing me in. Cost of visit € 0.00 , thank you Sergio. I then head downstairs to try and make the appointments alone, again vexed by the lack of signage and the "piu in fondo" which I am beginning to realize doesn't really mean father ahead, but go to hell, I don't want to be bothered with your silly questions about where things are.
After going from second floor, to the first floor I am told the doctor cannot write the prescriptions using the forms he has (they are not the official national Health Care bar-coded pay the hospital ones) ......as I think he was still trying to do these further tests as a friend (i.e., no charge) but I have no way of proving that and of course that would be DEFRAUDING the system.
I go back upstairs, get the official forms (thankfully because if I couldn't have gotten them from him, I would have had to trek across town to my ASL doctor and then bring them back. I am told where to pay (just closed) and where to make the appointment for the endoscope (3 weeks hence). They tell me I need to have the blood work and pregnancy test first, and also the cardio. I then spend another half hour looking for the CA125 lab (closed on Thursdays) and then exit the Obstetrics hospital to find the Cardiology building (Number 7).
Racing there as fast as I can because it is almost lunch time. Again same thing, no maps, no signage just a piece of paper that says building 7 but all the maps say building 7 is plastic surgery, not cardiology. I walk the length of the complex and arrive to Cardiology /Cosmetics, whew it is there, 5 minutes after they close for the day (Labs done only in the morning) and today what the hell, I guess they wanted to go have a coffee!
About now, I start to lose it......find a tree in the shade, sit down and have a good cry out in the parking lot by the motorini. I am tired, I still have another 6 hours worth of tests to do at this godforsaken place that mean I must run around here, there and everywhere and none of them can be done today... two friends call out of the blue and I cry even harder and click cancel, too overwhelmed to talk. A full twenty minutes later, sniffling, I call Angelo and he comes and takes me to lunch, calming me down by the sheer fact that all this doesn't seem at all strange to him. He tells me he will call Sergio and see if I can come in to the obstetric department Thursday or Saturday morning early and do all these tests as originally planned (free) or if not, I start again next Monday at daylight.
We eat, he walks me to the metro (our fifth walk across the complex for the day), I buy a new pair of shoes because my feet now have blisters from running in my sandals and come home and stare at a book by Italo Calvino all evening instead of writing because I am too zonked to be creative.
Well at least its free.
To give you an idea of the daunting task and maybe why I am so overwhelmed by this whole being sick/maybe having cancer in Italy thing, I have included a map of the buildings as I am not sure if anyone, even Romans, unless they are sick or work in the medical industry, realize just how fucking big this place really is or that they have separate palazzi for each medical area, ophthalmology gynecology, cardiology etc etc.
My day was supposed to begin by meeting Angelo at the subway stop and then proceeding to the OB/GYN hospital (building 35). Angelo is one of my best friends and it seems that one of his suitors in the head OB/GYN night nurse supervisor and he is going to try and get me fast tracked through some of these tests. Arriving at the metro on schedule, Angelo calls to tell me he is blocked with his car in traffic and to go on in to the campus by myself and see if I can find my way....he will be there as soon as he can, as he is ditching his car as it is totally useless and taking the underground too. He doesn't want me to wait on him as the doctor his friend has scheduled me to see, Dr. Pecorini (don't know if I should trust a doctor named little sheep) has agreed to squeeze me in before for his medical school teaching rounds and his full surgery rotation as he is going on holiday starting today. That said, he wanted me to be there no later than 8:30 and we want to be on time as Angelo has arranged this through his friends. Looking at my watch, I see I have 40 minutes so I think surely....
I then proceed to wander around the complex for 20 minutes because as nice as the attached little map is, it isn't permanently embossed inside my head and there are only about 4 of these posted in the entire medical campus and no staff at any of the four information booths I passed. I begin asking people standing outside buildings with IV bottles and cigarettes dangling from their arms and they keep telling me " piu in fondo" and waving me forward.
I arrive to the OB/GYN building at 8:10 and see that the main entrance hall that says something to the effect of babies and delivery, and information about student residents and where they are supposed to report. The one sign I find about doctors offices says outpatient ambulatory around back. So I exit the building, follow the signs and sure enough, oh happy day, see a sign pointing towards the basement that says OB/GYN Outpatient. At this point i "Vai piu in fondo", taking the steps indicated, and find myself in a scruffy little used alley complete with 10 year old plastic coke bottles and a door leading to the hydro plant. Apparently this disintegrating portion of the hospital WAS outpatient ,......50 years ago. It now serves as a garden shed.
Retracing my steps, I have 10 minutes here, and am starting to get antsy. I go in the main entrance, ask 11 people where is the offices of Dottore Picorini and am told "vai su" to the 1st floor Room 4, I go there and am told "via sopra e in fondo" to Piano Terra, Room 3, I retrace my steps there and am told by a nurse drinking coffee (I am fasting...) he is not here today. Frustrated more by the smell of coffee beans, than by my first round of circle jerks, I call Angelo who has just popped out of the metro and is running the 6 blocks to get to the hospital and he insists that Dottore Picorini is expecting me, not for regular appointments and that I should tell the coffee drinking nurse this as perhaps he is in another location of the hospital.
Going back, she tells me " guarda piu in fondo" but doesn't exactly tell me where in the fondo he is or what in the fondo he looks like. I proceed up the hallway to where she is vaguely waving me, and stumble across what I think is the ultrasound and X ray area (yeah your reading correctly NOTHING IS MARKED!!!!!!!!!!) and see everyone and his brother waiting but am at a loss as to what to do next.
About this point it is 8:25 and Angelo arrives, and we both walk back to the not so helpful nurse to see if I am actually waiting in the correct area and what the doctor looks like. She tells him we should go to another area (not where she told me) and ask at the obstetric wing. Racing up another set of stairs we arrive, door closed and locked and after buzzing and pounding we are told he left 5 minutes earlier for emergency surgery, but we can go.....guess where......"piu in fondo" and perhaps catch him when he comes out.
So we sit for the next hour, doctors and expectant fathers waiting and see no one. At 9:15 Angelo needs to leave for work, and thinks that it is hopeless for me to wait for a doctor I do not recognize who already said he could only see me before his rounds began. He suggests we run to his office on the far side of this complex a (He works for the university La Sapienza) and he will call his friend Sergio, who made the appointment and perhaps I can come back late this evening.
20 minutes later we are in the center of an equally large labyrinth of university buildings, where Angelo speaks to Sergio who wants to know why we left, the doctor can still see me. Afraid I wont be able to manage on my own, as I am already looking quite tired, Angelo leaves his office and returns with me to the same place we were before and we sit panting like tired dogs having crossed the equivalent of 5 football fields, where we wait until 10:30 while Sergio calls the head nurse, who talks to the doctor, who talks to the nurse, who talks to Angelo, who talks to me, who says hopefully not much longer. An hour later, the doctor arrives and Angelo has to leave (he is already waaaaaay late for work and he hands me off thinking we are at the end of my misadventures).
I go in and speak with the doctor who wants to do another specialized ultrasound, wants repeat blood work because my color looks bad (probably for running) and he is concerned about platelets and WBC and a few more really scary things. They take me to an ultrasound room where he and the tech stand there (no pretty curtains , no paper gowns, no female nurses guarding you with modest concern) and tell me get up on the table they are going to "Fare una visita" ! eheheheheheh... I'm not really sure if he is going to be having tea and crumpets with me or do a pelvic exam, so totally red faced and still trying to understand words like stirrups, speculum, and KY Jelly in Italian, I drop my knickers in front of god and everyone and pray i don't die of embarrassment or bleed on anybody.
Test shows same results as previous, enlarged masses on my ovaries and perhaps, though he isn't certain a myoma....so guess what, they want a second endoscope! They also want to do an EKG and full cardio and of all sorts of crazy hairball things including a pregnancy test! I have been bleeding off and on since April, have had no sexual partners (aforementioned putting a damper on that) and have already fielded 2 ultrasounds and an endoscope last week. Who do they think I am the fucking Virgin Mary?
Anyways, I pull my clothes back on, and the doctor hurriedly writes three new prescriptions for blood work, Cardio and Endo and then rushes off as his day is a disaster after the emergency in the morning and squeezing me in. Cost of visit € 0.00 , thank you Sergio. I then head downstairs to try and make the appointments alone, again vexed by the lack of signage and the "piu in fondo" which I am beginning to realize doesn't really mean father ahead, but go to hell, I don't want to be bothered with your silly questions about where things are.
After going from second floor, to the first floor I am told the doctor cannot write the prescriptions using the forms he has (they are not the official national Health Care bar-coded pay the hospital ones) ......as I think he was still trying to do these further tests as a friend (i.e., no charge) but I have no way of proving that and of course that would be DEFRAUDING the system.
I go back upstairs, get the official forms (thankfully because if I couldn't have gotten them from him, I would have had to trek across town to my ASL doctor and then bring them back. I am told where to pay (just closed) and where to make the appointment for the endoscope (3 weeks hence). They tell me I need to have the blood work and pregnancy test first, and also the cardio. I then spend another half hour looking for the CA125 lab (closed on Thursdays) and then exit the Obstetrics hospital to find the Cardiology building (Number 7).
Racing there as fast as I can because it is almost lunch time. Again same thing, no maps, no signage just a piece of paper that says building 7 but all the maps say building 7 is plastic surgery, not cardiology. I walk the length of the complex and arrive to Cardiology /Cosmetics, whew it is there, 5 minutes after they close for the day (Labs done only in the morning) and today what the hell, I guess they wanted to go have a coffee!
About now, I start to lose it......find a tree in the shade, sit down and have a good cry out in the parking lot by the motorini. I am tired, I still have another 6 hours worth of tests to do at this godforsaken place that mean I must run around here, there and everywhere and none of them can be done today... two friends call out of the blue and I cry even harder and click cancel, too overwhelmed to talk. A full twenty minutes later, sniffling, I call Angelo and he comes and takes me to lunch, calming me down by the sheer fact that all this doesn't seem at all strange to him. He tells me he will call Sergio and see if I can come in to the obstetric department Thursday or Saturday morning early and do all these tests as originally planned (free) or if not, I start again next Monday at daylight.
We eat, he walks me to the metro (our fifth walk across the complex for the day), I buy a new pair of shoes because my feet now have blisters from running in my sandals and come home and stare at a book by Italo Calvino all evening instead of writing because I am too zonked to be creative.
Well at least its free.
posted by ~Sparrow | Wednesday, October 17, 2007
|
0 comments
